My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize