sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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