He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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