I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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