last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
