Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
