my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
