She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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