My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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