If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
