What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
