I cockslap morals
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
