She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Terrible idea I love it
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
