I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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