Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
