i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
