You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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