I'm pants shitting drunk right now
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
