New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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