These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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