The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
