if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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