Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
