They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
