After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
