I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
