Non-Jews are for practice
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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