I can't breathe out the right side of my face
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
