you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I miss vodka workout Fridays
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
