Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
