I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
