So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
