Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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