This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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