Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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