I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
