Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize
