Christians are straight up FREAKS
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
