He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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