the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Randomize