so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
