its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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