I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize