He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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