I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
