hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
babies were throwing up all over the place
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
