Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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