I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Randomize
