Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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