I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
