God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
