Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
try to milk me bitch
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
