i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
