it wasn't lemon gatorade
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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