for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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