2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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