I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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