I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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