I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
