3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
