i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
