There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
