yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
