The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
the condom got lost in my hair
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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