and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
