new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
