moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
