Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Randomize