their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
