there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
