do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Hippo gnu deer
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
