i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
