There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Dear god my vagina.
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