when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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