i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
