I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
