Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize