he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
