How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
