sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize