I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
