tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize