I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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