There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
