this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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