That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
