I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize