He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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