seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
