i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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