butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Every concussion has its silver lining
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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