even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
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