somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
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