how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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