a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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