is wine microwaveable?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
did i walk over a car last night?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
