Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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