I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
