so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize