He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
