you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
