All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
