I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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