He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
