dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
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